Option 1: ignore the time and space continuum and try to let it all blur into ad nauseum and add nausea and try to be a mom wife employee best of all worlds and keep it all spinning so fast you get lost in it until it never was and you’re slid 6 feet under because that’s how fast it goes and in those last moments you realize regret and wonder could there have been another way or are you always you and any way would have been no better and so you take your last breath and again let your life pass before your eyes just as it always has.
Option 2: Stop and feel everything, the good, the bad, all of it. Try to embrace each moment of these fast fleeting days. Each discovery your son makes. The excitement in his eyes conquering a new skill. Remember the good more then the bad. There was good, wasn’t there? You’re so negative. Surely there was good. Long days and nights of a youth that went on and on. Looking forward to things—there was a time when you did that also. You can do it again, perhaps. If only you stop expecting the moon and start embracing the flickering overhead lights that life offers. They’re still light and if you squint enough and/or drink enough maybe they too will look lunarly lovely. Won’t they? If only you could see the glass not only half full but imagine a few more inches of liquid there. Why waste all the little time there is lost in the time that was?
It is almost July. Time is no longer relevant. Moments are everything. Days and weeks and months and years and decades are, well, they bookend the moments many or few, they remind us of the lack of forever in forever as does the skin that crepes slowly on our hands and crows that line around our eyes and pigment that escapes our worn and weary hair leaving nothing but silver white. And so I ponder the options and question my free will and in all that thought another year goes by and I wish I made faster choices or something but I’m just here trying my best to stay above water and I guess that’s worth something I mean I guess that’s worth everything even if it doesn’t mean I am satisfied or content or happy or in some state of acceptance or anything. It is just is, as it is, as it always was.
life with interest 