Born with foot-in-mouth disease, my ability to think before I speak is nil. I’ve determined that there is some value in being so genuine no one would ever mistake my words for falsehood, but overall there is greater value in a carefully constructed existence, where communication is precise, thoughtful, and limited.
Communication skills are 50% learning when to shut up.
I’m getting a little better at it. Day by day. My mind spins so quickly it’s hard to quiet it. I’m listening. I’m listening and thinking and processing and reacting all in one moment. But good communication is pausing, listening, processing slowly, eyebrows raised. Repeat what is said. Pause some more. My actual memory function of taking in information is actually impaired, and somehow I find I listen and remember information better when a conversation moves fast. That doesn’t help in terms of others thinking I’m listening to them. It’s a problem.
In a similar vein, there’s a professional and personal balance I’ve yet to figure out between being authentic and being robotic. Still, I know I ought to be more cautious in my words that spill like lava from my mouth, quick to come out but slowly altering the landscape of my relationships as the magma river pours on.
Yet, I’m a firm believer in the truth, even if that truth is not personally helpful. Truth is, of course, relative — but if it feels truthful then it is. And, on the other hand, the opposite of this is silence as I have no talent in being fake, no poker face except for when actually playing poker. I wish they taught all of this in school — not just public speaking, but specifically how to create the shell of a person who is admired, respected, and gets ahead, and fill it with lively conversation that is considered corporately charismatic without actually revealing anything acutely personal.
It is unfortunate that there are no opportunities for do-over once you’ve said too much, only the hope that as time goes on the magma will settle into new earth and those around you will only remember a brief explosion but not its exact latitude and longitude, not the honesty that was all too honest, the hope that despite putting a wall in front of your professional growth, there is something refreshing and inspiring about being so genuine you have nothing to gain from your everyday eruptions of truth.
life with interest 