They say that the easier your pregnancy is, the harder your first years as a parent will be. I hope that’s not true. My pregnancy has been — shockingly — uneventful thus far. After seeing many of my friends going through long periods of horrible morning sickness and barely being able to keep anything down, I was sure I’d be next. Instead, I managed to gain 20 pounds in my first trimester. Oops.
The weight gain is actually a substantial issue. I started out my pregnancy right at the borderline at “overweight” and “obese.” This is more upsetting to me because less than two years ago I managed to get down to what’s considered a healthy weight for my height (5’3) for my wedding. It took a lot of hard work, a very controlled diet, and so many mornings of rolling out of bed at 6am to meet my trainer downstairs when I didn’t want to wake up.
But the weight started to pile back on once I stopped my intense 3-days-a-week workouts and low-carb eating. Then I got pregnant. At my BMI then (30) I’m only supposed to gain 11–20 pounds total! Of course, I managed to eat enough french fries in my first trimester to gain all 20 pounds in just 3 months (I just never felt full without eating something super carb-y/salty — maybe I did feel a little bit of morning sickness but it went away as soon as I ate a ton of carbs.)
It turns out that although it’s important to not focus on losing weight during pregnancy, if you’re already overweight (obese, in my case — god I hate that word), it’s ok to not gain, especially if you’ve already put on the pounds in the first trimester.
At the moment, 21 weeks into my pregnancy, I’m hovering around 190–193 (and I started out at 168.) I’m not going to be upset if I do gain more weight but I want to make sure I’m eating healthy and exercising, instead of spending the rest of the pregnancy like in my first trimester when I was exhausted and could barely move (other than to eat those seriously sublime french fries.)
I guess I’m a bit surprised how much energy I have now and how much a pregnant woman can safely work out. Given I’m going from not moving at all to exercising, the recommendation is to keep it fairly gentle. I’ve signed up for a few prenatal exercise classes which provide some weights and cardio, and I’m inspired by all the women who are 35+ weeks pregnant (a few are 38 weeks) and still squatting and moving around in ways that are hard for me to do without much of a bump.
My hope is that getting in shape (a bit) over the next 20 weeks will make the actual process of giving birth easier. I haven’t decided yet if I want a medicated or natural birth. Logic brain says epidural all the way. Brain that wants to experience this miracle of life says you probably want an epidural but actually don’t you want to experience this wondrous (and super painful) thing that is possible maybe only once in your life? Also — I have a massive anxiety around people touching me on the spine, so the thought of anyone putting a NEEDLE in my spine (and one that could, by the way, paralyze me for life) makes me want to at least consider a natural birth.
Logic brain will probably win in the end. I’m a wuss!
Ok, so I’m definitely scared of childbirth. I feel like it’s pretty normal to be scared of that. Yet so many women do it (and do it again) that I feel like I’ll survive it, somehow. It’s definitely starting to get more real… the whole, this is really happening, and I’m going to have to experience a few hours (or days) of intense pain. And then, I’ll have a little blob of a human that my body is capable of keeping alive through food that I magically produce. Life is strange, isn’t it?
I’ve decided to not think too much about what it will be like to have a baby — after I have it — because I’m pretty sure no matter how much I try to plan, I’m going to be completely blindsided by the exhaustion and requirements of being a new parent. I’d rather spend my time now enjoying the little silence I have… my own time that will never be my own again. I’m perfectly ok with that, but no reason to overthink this parenting thing now. I’ll have the rest of my life to focus on that.
I do wonder how much being a parent will change me. I’m pretty sure it has to change a person. I already feel this immense love for the alien-looking creature that’s spending its time inside my stomach. But that love will only grow when I meet this person for the first time in less than five months. I’m looking forward to experiencing that and seeing who I become as a mother. I’m expecting some things to change dramatically and the rest to stay the same, other than my ability to stay awake during the day.
What I am grateful for is having waited this long to be a mom. Yes, I’ll be almost 35 when I have my first kid — which has its pros and cons. But, I definitely wasn’t ready at any point before this. I’m not exactly ready now, but I feel like I’m in a good place to bring a child into the world. I can’t even imagine having attempted this in my 20s. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be now. Even if that’s not actually all that ready.
life with interest 